My transformation...
I have everything I ever wanted...most everything I ever asked for and yet...there it is...this feeling or this lack of feeling...I can’t quite put my finger on it...it’s not quite sadness...it’s more like numbness. Numbness to all of it. I feel like I’m floating, except not in a good way. I feel like I’m completely disconnected from the joy...the pain...the everything.
Right now I just ‘do’...and then I ‘do’ it again tomorrow...and the next day.
And I know this is not who I am...I know this is not how my life is supposed to be...I know this is not how I’m supposed to feel...
But I can’t shift it.
I’ve tried everything...EV-REE-THING...and nothing snaps me out of it.
I’m exhausted and anxious and distracted...and I feel like my life is spinning outside of my control...I’m desperate not to feel this way anymore...and I don’t know where to start.
This was how I felt 3 years ago...can you relate?
I remember the moment, that I declared to some dear friends and to the Universe, ‘If I have to do it like this, I don’t want to do it anymore.’
My hands were physically up in front of me in the ‘I give up’ position and I was done.
I ended up there because I was trying to follow everyone else formula...not my own.
I had lost touch with the most authentic and intimate parts of myself...I’d forgotten how to honor my needs...I’d forgotten how to honor what brought me joy...I’d dismissed all the things that made me uniquely me...and I’d forgotten to honor all those things that made me tick...all the things that worked for me...all the things that made me happy.
I felt disconnected and floaty and numb because I’d lost touch with ME.
So for the next 6 months, I disengaged from all the DOING.
I cleaned up the proverbial spaghetti I’d been mindlessly throwing at the wall.
I pared down. I decluttered my life. I focused in.
I went through an incredibly painful and prolonged event...the loss of my amazing and beloved dad.
I sunk a little deeper...too deep...
I found myself clinging to the edge...and suddenly remembered how I’ve always found my way out of the funk.
So I set to work...yup...I signed on for outside eyes…I hired a Feng Shui Consultant. The fact of the matter is, we can’t see our own SHIT. We need someone with outside eyes to point it out to us, and that is EXACTLY what happened.
Hey Jen, you're not meeting your potential.
Hey Jen, you’re making it harder than it needs to be.
Hey Jen, stop blocking your path to success.
Hey Jen, it’s ok to be who you are, in fact, be proud of it.
OK, EYES WIDE OPEN! I see it all now.
It was right there in front of me, being perfectly expressed in my home. The blocks that I had subconsciously placed. My patterns, my habits…all of it…showing up live and in color. Fun, but not fun…but this is what I do.
So I got to work, knowing that as I was clearing my house I’d also be clearing my hang-ups.
I’ll have you know, I Feng Shui-ed the SHIT out of my house...like, crazy SHWAY!
6 bags of clothing...gone.
Moving couches? No problem.
Tossing, Cleaning, Rearranging...THE MORE I DID THE BETTER I FELT.
My energy levels were through the roof…
I was connecting with my family, my kids, my husband...I was FEELING again...I was crying...I was laughing...I was living again.
My HOME was in FLOW again and it was creating FLOW in my LIFE once again.
I didn’t realize how much I had missed it until it sprung up again.
Honestly, it’s the closest thing to MAGIC that I’ve ever experienced and continue to experience. When I FENG SHUI my HOME, when I open up the FLOW…
MAGIC HAPPENS.
And it is the BEST FEELING in the world to me.
If you feel a connection to your home…PLEASE TRY IT!
xoxoxo